Bitterness. The cancer within which can’t be seen.

Bitterness is often referred to as the unseen cancer in our life. It’s something we can’t see but when present, changes lives, alters path, kills dreams and poisons our body and thoughts. Let’s face it, if we “knew” we were going to have a disease-we’d do everything in our power to prevent it. We wouldn’t want anything to do with something this life-altering and we’d call someone crazy if they did. So why do we allow it in our life to begin with? It’s justified right? I mean, I have a right, rhyme or reason to be this way and that’s just how it is. God doesn’t want us to be like this because it eats our walk with God, separates us from His will, love and guidance. Most of all, it shuts off the lifeline between God and you and the communication you would have. “No no Andy, it is fine and I have it at bay. No, I’m good, it only affects me at certain times of the year.” etc etc.. Let’s be honest-are those the ONLY times?? Of course not and you can’t fool yourself any longer, you have to get rid of this “junk” in your life called bitterness. Well, let’s dive in to see what God says and how we can find the cure for this disease.

Hebrews 12:14-15 explains it this way:

“Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

Bitterness causes trouble and defiles those it infects and surrounds. God is very plain in telling us that you will miss the Grace of God if you allow bitterness to infect your life. There are many ways bitterness is addressed in the Bible:

-suffering       -foolish son       -women who can’t have children       -human pride       -degeneracy      -husbands and wives

Look at these examples, this is just a few but you can search for bitterness and find many more. Can we not see ourselves in the above? Can we deny it anymore? Of course not, bitterness is a defile sickness of our very soul it consumes and it’s deadly to our walk with God and our life. What can you do right?

1-Expose your bitter root. Bring what the problem is to the light and expose it. Ephesians 5:11 is quick to tell us to hide not the vanities of our iniquities but rather expose them in the light, bring them out. Why? God is light, in Him is found no darkness so when we’re filled with bitterness, darkness inhabits our life and being.  However, God says bring things to the light to expose them, get rid of them and bring about the truth in your life and with that truth, it will set you free.. Someone said that anger and bitterness is like feeding yourself poison and waiting on the other person to die. Why are you poisoning your life and allowing it to consume your joy? Once you’ve exposed it, then what?

2-Cancel the debt you THINK they owe you. Look at what Matthew says:

‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’  In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.   “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

So you think they “owe” you right? Then what do you owe someone else? Wait, so you don’t “owe” someone something but someone else owe’s you? That doesn’t seem right if you can’t think of anyone you don’t owe? One person you DO owe?? Jesus Christ. Good news is, He wiped that out so we don’t owe Him anything. Here’s the point. God took away what you “owe” with His Grace and Mercy yet when we get a chance to extend it, we don’t. We don’t because we say, “They owe me!” Look at that sentence, owe “me”.  I sure would hate for God to tell me that, there’s NO way I could replace or pay back what I owe God.  Look at what Matthew says, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” Unless you forgive your brother.. It doesn’t say unless he owes you, or unless you want too or unless you think they don’t need it.. He says “unless you forgive your brother,” how can you expect for God to forgive you?

3-Bless your offender and pray for them. Yep, you heard me, you have to pour blessings out upon those who offend you and then pray for them. Luke 6:27-28 says:

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

How many verbs can you spot in that verse? Isn’t it amazing that in all things we do to bring us redemption, salvation, forgiveness and much more with God, is defined by verbs. Love, pray, bless, do good, care and many more verbs are given to us by God in order for His will and guidance to be done. God is clear, “I tell you who hear me…” so in essence, if you do those things, you hear from God and if you don’t, then you don’t hear Him. Pretty bold and strong statement isn’t it but don’t shoot me down, I’m the messenger; I’m explaining what the Bible says-it’s the Word.

“be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you”.

Ephesians 4:32 NLT

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Colossians 3:13 

Enough said. I can’t say any more to help the cause of Christ when dealing with bitterness. The Bible and God are very clear on how to treat others, bear with each other, forgive them, be kind hearted and forgiving as Christ forgave you. Who are we to harbor bitterness in our heart yet all the while, God is showing mercy and grace on our life? Is He not our Father-our Maker-our Redeemer?? Yet we “play” God when it comes to the things we want to justify or handle ourself with other people and then expect God to show us mercy… It’s time to stop the bitterness in our hearts, stop hurting others and begin helping; times we quit discouraging others and begin encouraging each other.. It’s time to live BY the Bible-the whole thing and stop pulling out parts and pieces we want to use to justify our sins..

What’s your choice? When are you going to stop allowing the bitterness, hate and anger to rule your life and walk with God? When are you going to give it to God whole-heartedly and stop taking it back-trying to do it on your own?? It’s up to you, your choice. You can continue walking down the same path of destruction, making excuses and missing the blessings God wants for your life or you can give it to God, purge the bitterness and begin walking a “free” life in Christ. I know what I need to work on-what about you??

Overly Needy People

IS there such a thing as overly needy people? I believe we can safely say, YES. It’s those people who need you, but excessively. At first things go and feel right but then, something happens. It’s difficult to pinpoint but by the time you do, it’s too late. It’s those people who almost seem to “drain” you dry if you will.. There are some things to remember and to keep in mind with overly needy people..

1.  You must learn to HELP, not enable. There are too many times in our life we think doing something is helping but in return, it’s enabling the behavior and causing it to never change. In other words, we use justification to convince ourself and others that we’re helping, not encouraging.. Example: My parents helped us out financially when Kim and I had just started out. That was great, sweet and parents are suppose to do that right? Well it would have been right except, we got back in the same situation a year or two later, but why?? Why did we end up at the same dead end we were just rescued from? Well, it’s because we didn’t know “how” to be financially able, because we’ve always been “bailed” out. Dad and Mom sat with us, discussed it and we realized, they were just enabling our behavior.. It gave us the mindset: “I can mess up and if I do, my parents will bail us out.” That’s not fair to us but more importantly, that’s not fair to them.. It’s our turn to take care of them as they become older and allow them some freedom they haven’t experienced. Enabling. It’s difficult and very hard at times, it could cause anger towards you and others as well as “hurt feelings” but in the end, you’re helping instead of enabling..

2. OFFER WHAT THEY NEED NOT WHAT THEY WANT.
Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up…
Acts 3:6-7

–Identify the real need.

–Pay attention to actions, not words.

3.  Set healthy boundaries. See, we all need boundaries, whether we think we do or not, we desire limitations. It’s something about our “DNA” that causes us to seek limits not only within ourself but along with our own lively-hood. How many times have you ever given out instructions but never gave out the limits to what one can or can’t do? Whens the last time you’ve played a game but didn’t repeat where you can or can’t go? Boundaries. In order to make a game fun, you can’t place so many boundaries or limits that it’s not fun anymore. You have to have a healthy balance and that’s what I’m speaking about here. You have to speak about those boundaries BEFORE your problem or issue arises. Why? Easy, to keep us from attacking the person instead of the problem.

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!” Mark 1:35-37

Time boundaries: We have to keep our time in check, balance and even limited to what we can do without crossing your own boundaries. Spending too much time with a person and problem on a consistent basis, it can take it’s toll on your mind, body and soul. You have to set time boundaries and stick to it.
Resource boundaries:  This isn’t as easy as it sounds nor does it seem like a problem until we get down to it. We have resources we can tap into but when we tap into resources so much, you’ll drain them dry or wear them out. Example: A pastor always helps you with certain issues in your life and becomes a resource. Your friend is an overly needy individual and always needs some “advice” from you or your pastor friend. After going to this pastor several times from the same person, addressing the same problem(s). After some time, pastor is going dry, you’ll become frustrated and friend will move on to someone else leaving frustration along the way.

4.  Allow them to face their consequences. That’s the part my parents didn’t allow to happen when it should have. Would I have been mad, upset, frustrated and ticked?? Sure, but eventually I would have gotten over it but my parents showed me grace. (Giving me something I didn’t/don’t deserve.) Sometimes, we just have to allow the consequences to happen despite what they are, that’s where learning occurs. It’s hard and difficult, but it must be done..

Don’t be misled. Remember that you can’t ignore God and get away with it. You will always reap what you sow!  Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful desires will harvest the consequences of decay and death. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. Galatians 6:7-8 NLT

Rescuing isn’t always helping.

Jesus is the savior, not you.

Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” Luke 5:31

With all this said and done, you are the judge so to speak, the one with the final say and make the final decision. When do you cut the ties to these people or do you regulate them the best you can and deal with the consequences?? Remember, you reap what you sow and it’s up to you to decide what to do and how to do it. It’s not easy but God must remind us at times, we’re not the saving “grace” others need, but God is. God is the savior -not us and nor should we act like it. (Yea, these words hurt as I type them-I try to help and save everyone at times.. Don’t you??) Remember, offer what they need, give them safe boundaries and allow them to face the consequences.. Finally, help them-don’t enable their behavior but with loving and Godly guidance, walk with them to the place of independence on God.

Giving thanks

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! It doesn’t seem like we’ve been around 3/4 of the year already. Matter of fact, this weather isn’t indicative of Thanksgiving at all if we get down to it. Last year, I was sitting at Kohl’s at 3:00 a.m. waiting for the doors to open fffrreeeezzzinnnnngggg with 2 jackets, long sleeve shirt and a hoodie. I don’t think it’s going to be that cold this year. What a difference a year can make right?

Many times we forget to give thanks all throughout the year for what we have and to be honest, God loves and desires our praise and thanksgiving. He yearns for our heart and even created us-for Him! Imagine, God creating us for His pleasure; wanting and needing our praise, songs of thanksgiving and companionship. Think about it, when have you ever had the same fixings you have at Thanksgiving throughout the year? Once, twice-once a month maybe or every three months? Why not? Is it we associate that food with Thanksgiving and we “can’t have that food any other time” or is it we just save it for the special “occasion?” I wonder what would happen if we took the stigma and stereotype off the holidays and enjoyed Christmas in every month of the year or maybe turkey and dressing with ALL the fixings every month or at least once every two months-would that change our perception?

I’ll leave you with that question to ponder and will continue tomorrow but think about it if you will. What would your life and those around you be like if you lived like each day was Christmas? Thanksgiving? Easter? Would it make a difference or an impact?

Alabama…

No not the football team, or the basketball team…not even the baseball team but the actual state. Last Saturday we had a “family get together” at my old elementary/middle school: Weogufka High School. Long story short….Weogufka HS was a K-12 school at one time with graduating classes of only 30-50. In 1988/89, Central High School was built, WHS turned into a k-8. Later, it was renamed West Coosa Elementary..Housing k-5… Needless to say, I hadn’t seen the school in quite some time-years to be exact. I was able to “walk down the halls” and look around from a different view than I’ve ever had. It was interesting to realize how “small” the halls, rooms and the whole building truly is now vs when I was little.

Isn’t that the way of life as well. Sometimes we see something in the “now” that looks so good, enticing or even different than when we look back. Example: I’ve had my tongue pierced and I liked it to be honest.. However, now that I’m turning 35 this year, I’m glad I DON’T have it.. Same way with my eyebrow or lip being pierced-I really want one of those and I’ve thought on several occassions just to “do it,” but I keep thinking of how my son, family and others will view me NOW, because later-that’s going to be their perception whether or not it’s true or not. Isn’t it funny??

I see these girls/guys with these tattoo’s everywhere and mind you, I have one and want another one, but I’m selective of where and of what I want. What’s going to happen to these tattoo’d people in 20, 30 even 50 years?? Will they feel the same?  I think a lot of it isn’t thought through with the big picture in mind yet others will argue that’s what they had in mind. God is the same way I think. We have a picture of God/Jesus in our mind and that’s the mold He fits whether or not we say different. Some of us are Christians in the moment while others are in it for the long haul while others are short term or Sunday Christians. So what view must we take? Do we have to change our view or our perception? Are either interchangeable or are they separate in themself? Gives you something to think about doesn’t it.. What are your thoughts?

Fire..

Now that I have your attention.. I decided to burn some of that “stuff” in my backyard.. We had a little bit of sticks, I think I heard a can blow up and I even smelt a tire burning.. Not quite sure where some of that stuff came from. However, the point I want to make is this.

When I started the fire, it caught on pretty quickly despite the crowd being a little moist from the ice/rain. Therefore, I thought it wouldn’t get that big so I lit it. Before I knew it, I had flames about 25-30 feet high and I was wondering.. “Hmmm, should I go get more water than this little 75-100 ft hosepipe??” Luckily, the flames began to calm and I wet everything around it just to make sure. I was safe and no harm of flaring back up again.

I was thinking while watching the fire burn. It’s like sin. We think it’s ok to do one little thing; it’s just one “little” thing and it’ll be ok-I’m sure of it.. It’s not going to hurt anyone but me and I’m sure it’s a minor thing. However, like that fire, the “little” thing begins to spread, and spread and get a little hotter and wider. Before long, you’ve allowed a little fire to get out of hand. Now the fire is so out of hand, it’s going to take several people to put it out and a lot more resources than a small hose. Sin can get out of hand just like a fire can and one “little” one may just lead to a bigger one later. I think that’s why God tells us to life our life according to His riches and His glory!!  Live a life that’s worthy to God, honoring Him in all you DO, SAY and THINK.. God loves us regardless but He knows the wages of sin and they are death. HIS gift is eternal.

What’s your choice today. Are you going to stand there in the fires and trials of life holding a hosepipe, or are you going to get a truck with a 3 inch hose and ready to face anything that comes your way? It’s your choice and your decision, what will you decide!?!?!?

Christmas, New Year-NEW YOU??

Well, I liked the title-it was catchy!  Can you believe Christmas is here and then 2010?? What a whoa moment.. Time truly flies when you start adding it up, working, etc..

I love Christmas though.. In some it brings out the best while others-the worst. Places are crowded, people are pushy and trying to get the best deal first.. Other than the obvious Birthday of Our Lord and Savior, I love it for other reasons.

1.  Hot chocolate, cold weather, the cold feeling of warming up or getting warm.
2. Just that “time” of year.. Yea I’d like it to be a little warmer but that’s what makes the holiday feel holiday-ish..
3. A lot of people are in a giving mood: they “love” to help others in time of need.. However I do find it funny ONLY at/around Christmas..
4. I remember as a child, we’d watch movies, make p-nut butter crackers and cover them with chocolate, pretzels and peanuts. Mmmmmmm..
5. Just the “air” of the whole season.

I miss these feelings sometimes but realize it’s my turn to start the traditions as my parents once did. I’m also realizing I’m getting older. Lol. Really, I look back on my life and sometimes wish I’d changed a few things-cosmetically but I am who I am because of my choices.. I can live with that.  These are the days as adults we look back so we can bring the past to the future; or some things to the future. It’s my turn to make a change, difference or create opportunities for my family and myself. These are scary times in my life as I look at my beautiful wife and wonder where the swing will go so we can rock together or pray to God that who ever goes first, God grants them the strength to press on and carry the legacy. I look at my son Jayden and wonder who he’ll marry, kids? job? What’s going to become of him professionally and what kind of impact will I make on him as the man of his home? Time, patience and God will only tell those answers and for me, Christ says not to worry about all that because each day and even each breathe is not promised; rather live for the moment/day you’re given. That’s what I’m going to do, I have no choice really.. I want to enjoy my son and my wife as long as God will allow me and enjoy our life together.

So that’s my Christmas, what about you? What do you like and think about Christmas? What’s your thoughts?? I’d love to know!!

This week has been….

I don’t even know where to start.. It’s kinda gone by pretty fast and then again, it’s kinda got away from me..

With so much going on in relationships from people who barely know each other getting married to 8-15-20 year marriages falling apart, I made a vow I’d stick it out and that’s what I WILL/INTEND to do.  Let’s face it, marriage, job, and everything else you do needs work.. You must work at everything in order to get something.. I guess this all stems from kids now a days and in school just lack that “work” ethic. Whether or not it’s physical, emotional or otherwise, they’re not motivated.. Of course until it’s something they want to do.. Lol. Anyway, what are your thoughts on kids today, their principles, values and morals??

Busy busy….

Ya know, you have good intentions but sometimes, even the best intentions just don’t come about.. What do I mean? I made a pact with myself to blog a little each day or every other day. Due to being tired, getting home late from work every night and being under the weather….I just didn’t make it..

We sometimes have the best intentions to serve God in all facets of our life. We pray, read our bible, go to church and we think we’re doing everything right.. However, sometimes our intentions are slowly removed due to distractions etc. while others are snatched away without warning. Whatever the case maybe, it’s always good to correct yourself if needed, get refocused and try it again. I’m glad God didn’t give up on me and He kept trying or else I would’t be where I am today. What about you? Are you thankful God didn’t give up on you?? What are your thoughts..

Failure…

–noun 1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure.           (dictionary.com)

So based on the definition, if you don’t put any more effort, if you don’t at least try or attempt, then THAT’S a failure.. A lot of people perceive failing as something going wrong however, they correct their mistakes and attempt again therefore, it’s not failing. I call it: Heavenly Weights… Weights make you stronger as long as you use them on a consistent basis and sometimes you don’t get the weight up like you should-does that mean you fail? No, you try and try again until one day your goal is reached. That’s indicative of life and how we should treat things which “go wrong, don’t work out” or other adjectives we use to describe what happens when we don’t succeed. We have to keep trying and trying until you succeed. Sometimes we have to take a different route or different way than we had planned; God knows that and He brought you that way for a reason. God’s reasoning is so much bigger than we are.. When we say we fail, we say we give up, we quit and we’re no longer going to pursue that arena in our life; whether partially or fully. So, failure….what do you think about it now??

I’m so excited….

this weekend is going to be great we hope.. Lol.. Today will be a family evening so we’ll just hang out or I had plans to go to a movie-I may still go.. Never been to one by myself but I have been stressed a little lately.  Anywho, today has been pretty good so far, today is Jayden’s last day at his current daycare. We really hate for him to leave but there are some issues which can’t be overlooked and Jayden needs Stability, Curriculum and someone who can work with our son-he’s busy all the time or he causes trouble.. Lol. That’s me in a nutshell as well!! Hehe.. He’ll stay out of school for the next week to get him restructured and he’ll be spending time with Kim’s mom and mine.  Maybe they can redirect his attitude a little and help him get back into himself more.. Who knows, we’re working hard that’s all we have to say.. Lol..

So, many changes in our life from:

 Jayden’s behavior and school issues,

our church is re-structuring and re-building,

I’ve had to get my stuff ready to begin my Specialists-just received confirmation of my degree is IN THE MAIL!! WOO HOO!!

Changes here at school and many more things trying to overtake my life..

Good news in all of this, God is still working in my life and HE’S helping me re-structure everything so I can live a better life in HIM as before. I’m so excited because when God is in it, it’s interesting and He never leaves you..